No wonder we fall for narcissists. A carnival looks like a great time!

Have you ever asked yourself how you fell for the tricks a narcissist pulls?

When you take a step back and look at how dumb it all was, you don’t feel any better about yourself. You feel like a fool. They have the uncanny ability to trick even the smartest of folks. They weave their web of deception and pain and trap anyone who gets close enough.

This feeling of being unwise and reckless doesn’t last forever. After a while, once the feelings have calmed down and you are more settled, you can see and think more clearly.

Once you have exited the circus.

Until then it’s all games (Not fun and games. Just games.)

The Narcissistic Process Is Meant To Overwhelm and Confuse You

You were a mark. Nothing more. Nothing less.

Mark — A townsperson you believe to be a conspicuously easy victim. The ticket booth would have a high counter, above the average person’s eyesight, and when the ticket-seller spotted a towny with a big bankroll he might short-change the customer, leaving the change on the counter. If the customer didn’t notice or didn’t count his change, the ticket-seller would lean over to give him some “friendly” advice about the best attractions, putting his hand on the customer’s shoulder to point him toward a show he simply must see, simultaneously dusting his back with chalk from a hidden supply. If the customer instead complained about the wrong change, the ticket seller could always push the remaining change to him and say “I told you to take it.” And what does an agent do when he spots a mark? He “plays” him — that’s right, just like you play a hooked fish. But a carny truism is, “Always leave the mark a dollar for gas.” With gas money he can go home (you don’t want him stuck there to raise a beef).

A narcissist is on the constant lookout for someone to take advantage of. While they will often go after someone vulnerable, they sometimes go rogue and will target a person who is doing well and is not an easy mark.

It’s a challenge and part of the natural process of narcissistic abuse. It degrades you. Who and what you were at the beginning of the relationship will not be the same at the end of it. Like water cutting a path through a rock, you are eroded slowly by the stream of nonsense and abuse you are put through.

It is a grooming procedure.

You are conditioned over time to accept unacceptable conditions. You are trained to keep yourself in the narcissist’s cage. They defraud you into accepting that you are free to leave at any time, but it’s not true. The punishment for leaving will be brutal and swift. You know without knowing that your freedom is not real.

When you have been marked as a pawn, you no longer remain a person to them. You are instead relegated to an object to be used. You may not always know which appliance you have become. That knowledge gets cleared up in the rearview mirror.

You may be an ATM machine, a sex doll, a baby-making factory, a cook, a support, an excuse, a vehicle, a homework generator, a house, etc…

What you cease to be is -> an equal.

The Smoke Show

Love Bombing, abuse, and the High/Low cycle are all used to suppress your natural defenses. They make you look left so the narcissist can act out on the right. They force you to bow your head, close your eyes, and cover your ears to drown out the pollution so they can behave badly right under your nose.

Have you ever been entranced by a spectacle? Totally engrossed into a movie or book? Needed some quiet time after being in a loud restaurant? Wanted to shut down after being swamped at work?

This is the same concept.

If you are either bedazzled by the glitter or need to close off to manage the overwhelm, they can get away with a lot of nonsense. The circus is a tool they keep handy. They know how to use it to get what they want.

Why Does “The Show” Exist?

Narcissists lack a complete sense of who they are.

They have some semblance but it’s not complete the way you and I are. Think of them like a hollow Easter bunny chocolate. They look as if they are full and solid, but their core is missing its mass. A few splinters of support may jut out here and there, but they aren’t strong enough to completely maintain a sense of being. The scaffolding is fragile.

They need to find outside sources to fill that disorganized space. It’s a hungry, gnawing emptiness that growls and talks to the narcissist. It wants to be fed. It needs to be fed. That’s where you come in. You provide them with substance with your energy. They siphon it away from you in the hopes they will finally feel full.

That’s why they can seem like chameleons. They shapeshift into alternative versions to match your personality to trick you into sticking around. If they didn’t put on a show, you would be able to hear and feel the aching silence of their empty core. The lights, games, and other elements are a distraction. They are crafted and designed to keep you mesmerized and coming back for more.

But they take a lot of energy to maintain and that’s a problem for a narcissist. They don’t have the battery life in them to keep the show running.

Typically, they are still using the resources of their last victim to power the exposition they put on for you. Once they have you hooked, you turn into the generator that fuels the current carnival so they can lure in other marks. It’s a never-ending job for them. They need to constantly keep some sort of show going so they can gather enough energy sources to keep the lights on.

One person is never enough.

Have you ever been to a circus with only one audience member? It may have components that are targeted to your likes, but it will also have some general parts that are for mass appeal.

This is how they can fool entire groups of people at once. This is also what makes them more difficult to detect.

Covert v/s Overt

Covert narcissists are especially good at this circus act technique. The Overt Narcissist is a bit easier to detect because they are calling attention to the fact that they are putting on a show. They want you to know that they are showmen and that they have put on the best show that has ever existed in the history of shows.

Covert narcissists aren’t like that. Covert is the main word in this title. They are secretly doing their narcissistic work. They are just as narcissistic as an Overt Narcissist but the way they meter out their abuse is through stealth methods.

Their circus games are not as easily detected. An Overt narc may have a fire juggler, lion tamer, and a Tilt-A-Whirl, while the Covert will have a fortune teller, a Fun House, and a guess-your-weight stall. They are not as ostentatious but they are just as dangerous.

This is why many people have a hard time recognizing that what they went through was a Love Bomb. It didn’t feel crazy. It felt amazing but it also felt normal like they were simply making a fast connection with another person.

It’s damn near impossible to discern between normal and abnormal when you are inside a love bomb from a covert narcissist. This is why I consider them the most dangerous type of narcissist. Their abuse goes undetected and lasts longer because of how insidious it is. It can be much deeper and more damaging than Overt abuse because of the concealment.

Be Wary Of Speed And Intensity

This is the best way to gauge whether you are walking around inside the narcissist’s circus. Slowing down the pace in the beginning will clear up a lot of the details so you know what you are working with.

• If a new love interest is pushing you to make fast decisions or trying to blow past your comfort level with grand gestures -> take note.

• If a new coworker wants to be familiar at a level that is like a best friend even though you just met -> keep them at arm’s length.

• If an institution is promising to give you the life you always wanted and to help you fulfill all your dreams -> run like the wind!

If any of these happen be on the lookout for other clues. You just may be dealing with a narcissist.